


Stomach Vs. Heart

by Quantrail



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-28
Updated: 2006-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-10 17:23:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/102219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quantrail/pseuds/Quantrail
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick figures things out a bit too late. Alternative ending to the 3rd season episode "Play With Fire"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stomach Vs. Heart

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from a Barenaked Ladies song but the lyrics used are from The Funeral Song by The Rasmus

_I dumped you again  
I don't understand  
It's happened before  
Can't take it no more_

These foolish games  
Always end up in confusion  
I'll take you back  
Just to leave you once again 

The previous night was the second time that month Nick had broken up with Greg. He was so far in the closet that he smelled vaguely of mothballs and he couldn’t get comfortable with the feeling that anyone could find out about them. Greg had pleaded desperately with him, had tried to convince the Texan that no one had to ever know just so long as they could stay together, but Nick was immovable in the face of Greg’s begging. He had relented after a few days the first time they broke up but he was determined to end it this time. 

Nick had ended it just before the start of shift and had had to endure Greg’s red rimmed pleading looks for the rest of the night. Nick knew that it had been the right thing to do but he still felt guilty about the way it had happened. They had started going out only two months ago, after all, and already he had ended it twice. The worst thing, at least to Nick’s mind, was that he was the one to start it. Whenever Greg tried to talk to him about it now he just blamed the whole relationship on the alcohol he had consumed that first night. 

Nick avoided the DNA lab as much as possible for the rest of the night and headed straight home at the end of his shift. 

_I died in my dreams  
What's that supposed to mean?  
Got lost in the fire  
I died in my dreams  
Reaching out for your hand  
My fatal desire_ 

Nick was jerked out of a nightmare by the sound of his alarm going off. He got up and headed to the shower where he tried to replay the unsettling dream in his mind but could only remember snatches of it. There had been a fire and he felt like he was dead but he’d also been reaching to Greg and begging for him not to leave Nick alone. It made no sense to Nick; how could he be begging when he was dead?

He shoved thoughts of Greg out of his mind as he turned off the water. Greg meant nothing to him and the more he said it to himself the more he believed it. 

****************************

_I've failed you again  
'Cause I let you stay  
I used to pretend  
That I felt ok_

Just one big lie  
Such a perfect illusion  
I made you mine  
Just to hurt you once again

Nick spent most of that night out on a case with Grissom and Sara at some high school and refused to think of Greg. When he got back to the lab he felt drawn to the DNA lab however and he walked in while Greg was busy testing some swabs.

"Hey G," Nick said as casually as he could. Greg looked up and Nick could see the quickly disguised pain in his eyes. His heart twinged at the look on Greg’s face but he reminded himself desperately that real Texan men didn’t fall in love with other men. It was probably just heartburn from all the running around he’d been doing. "What ya workin’ on, man?"

"Some leftovers from Swing," Greg replied quietly while looking into Nick’s eyes. Nick felt more and more uncomfortable the longer Greg stared at him without speaking but as soon as he opened his mouth again Nick wished he’d never broken the awkward silence. "You know I love you, right?" Greg asked in that same quiet tone. Nick quickly shook his head in denial as he furtively checked for anyone out in the halls who might be looking in at them. Greg sighed at Nick’s reaction. Nick could see that he was about to launch into another plea for Nick to reconsider their relationship but Nick had caught a glimpse of Grissom starting to check on everyone’s progress out of the corner of his eye. The last thing he needed was for his boss to catch him in the DNA lab when he had no reason to be there.

"Look G, you don’t love me and I sure as hell don’t love you," Nick hissed quickly, ignoring the fresh flash of pain in Greg’s eyes that his denial caused. "Page me whenever you get some results, okay man?" He quickly ducked out of the lab before Grissom noticed he had been in there and made his way to the break room to grab some coffee.

He had only just gotten himself settled on one of the couches when there was a tremendous bang and all the windows in the room rattled. Alarms went off immediately and a voice came over the intercom telling everyone to evacuate the building. Nick ran out into the hallway where he noticed Sara dazedly picking herself up off the ground outside the DNA lab. His gaze was drawn to an unmoving figure that was sprawled further down the hallway but by the time his horrified brain caught up with his body he had been pushed back towards the exit by the crowd of escaping techs. 

****************************

Nick paced up and down outside the building while he waited for the paramedics to reemerge from inside the crime lab. All he could think of was how fragile Greg had looked surrounded by shards of broken glass. It was not a word he would have normally associated with the outgoing tech.

Finally Greg was brought out on a gurney but Nick was too afraid to get close enough to actually see Greg’s injuries so he stayed in the background and watched as Grissom made sure the younger man was loaded into the ambulance without any problems. He waited until everyone was cleared to go back into the building and then he went back to work with an impassive mask in place instead of showing the fear and anguish he was feeling. 

After seeing Greg like that he knew that what he had been feeling was not the heartburn he’d desperately hoped for but instead heartache; he was in love with Greg. Now that he had acknowledged the truth to himself he was finding it easier to accept. Maybe real Texan men didn’t fall in love with other men but Nick had fallen for Greg anyway, now he just had to make it up to Greg for putting him through hell for the past month.

****************************

Nick and Archie were going over some audio tapes when Grissom came into the AV lab. "Hey Griss, we think our vic might have been a murder groupie," Nick said over his shoulder when he felt Grissom standing behind him. He frowned when he received no response and turned around to face his boss. He got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach at the look on Griss’s face. It got worse when Grissom sighed, took off his glasses and ran a weary hand down his face.

"There’s no easy way to say this but I thought the both of you, as Greg’s friends, deserved to hear this from me. When Greg got caught in the explosion he suffered a lot of internal damage from the force of the blast." Grissom paused for a few seconds and seemed to gather himself before finishing. "Greg died as a result of his injuries shortly after arriving at Desert Palms," he said quietly. Nick went numb when Grissom finished speaking and didn’t even notice when he left the room.

He worked until the end of his shift even though Grissom had told Grave that they could go home if they wanted. Nick followed up his leads and pursued the Jesus Cardenas angle with Archie. He could only stare in envy at the silent tears that made their way down the AV tech’s face as they worked. Since he’d found out that he’d never see Greg again Nick had felt like his heart was encased in ice.

****************************

When it was finally time to go home Nick stopped for a quick bite to eat before tiredly dragging himself into bed where he shut his dry eyes and drifted off to sleep.

_I died in my dreams  
What's that supposed to mean?  
Got lost in the fire  
I died in my dreams  
Reaching out for your hand  
My fatal desire_

Nick was dragged out of his nightmare by the sound of someone sobbing violently. It took him a few seconds to realize the sounds were coming from him. The nightmare was the same as the night before but this time he could remember everything about it. Greg’s body hurtling through the glass wall of his lab with flames licking at his heels, Nick screaming at him not to leave him all alone while he wrapped his arms around the man he loved. The rise and fall of Greg’s chest stuttering, stuttering, stopping and Nick’s heart stopping with it. 

The ice around Nick’s heart was melted by the dream-flames and he howled and wept in the corner of his bed as he remembered one of the last things Greg ever heard him say.

"Look G, you don’t love me and I sure as hell don’t love you."


End file.
